so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
