I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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