We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
