You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
