Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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