I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
