Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
