A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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