I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want to make a zoo with you.
it hurts more in the daytime
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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