so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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