I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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