we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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