Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
