That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
