got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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