Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
