They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
