I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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