I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i think my cat just said my name.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
