any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
