I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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