I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Couch. On fire.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize