I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize