I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
