Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
