you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
