While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
