Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
