Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize