I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
