ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
