dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
