she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
