You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
