im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
