she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
