i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
