I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
