Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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