is your mom at the bar?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Who died my cat blue again?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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