I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
