She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
