OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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