Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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