so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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