by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
