good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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