just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
