I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
