Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
