But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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