I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He has the fingertips of a God
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