I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
