I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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