FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
