we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
