Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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