Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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