singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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