i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
