1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
