Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
