I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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