How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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