I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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