Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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